[R Grubba Balls]

if there's a next time: prenup (or get all your shit in a trust, preferably swiss)

[Rowdy]

Originally Posted by shah269

Like anything else in the world there are some common issues which can lead to divorce.
1) MONEY! Money issues will kill a relationship fast!
2) Family! Does your mom hate her or does her mom hate you?
3) Sex! No I’m not kidding! If you are ready to rock and roll every day and she’s a once a month girl….ha ha you are dead!
4) Predisposition to divorce…in the family, her friends or other.

.

I agree totally with you here shah. Every relationship that went sideways for me was relating to two of those four things. Usually money and the predispositions to poor relations. The money concerns only escalate when the rest of the relationship starts to slip. Unfortunately for us, greed is everywhere, and it is now deemed acceptable for girls to generally speaking, ride the gravy train.

#2 and #4 usually relate to each other. If the family is batshit crazy, then it can be assumed that she deems this as normal and if not, its still under the auspice of acceptable. If mom has had 3 or 4 marriages and doesnt deal with her own issues, she'll see this as normal or acceptable. if the parents are together still and they scream at each other.. she'll deem this as acceptable. It didnt make sense to me when I was 19 and my pops would ask me 'whats her mother like?' I simply thought he was being a dirty old man. FAR cry from it.

I dont think a lot of the comments on this thread have been warnings to the younger men to NOT GET MARRIED.. but more or less a look at what can go wrong and what to avoid in relationships before it ends up costing you large amounts of your hard work and chunks of your life. If you dont learn from your own mistakes so what, if you dont learn from the mistakes of others, you're an idiot!

Now to keep things positive..

I've searched for a while and worked hard to meet someone who is on par educationally, monetarily, whose parents are still together and has a family life that would be considered solid. She is also active and takes pride in her body and possessions. We are well matched sexually (another huge make or break point) My parents like her, her parents like me. We agree on most grounds and have very similar morals. The big key here.. communication. We talk. About everything. All the time. If either of us dont like something, it's brought up swiftly and politely. We Dont belittle or bully each other. We're also both the type of people that go out of our ways to help others and make ourselves better. We both understand and know how to compromise. She knows which of her friends and peers are disasters and ignores their examples, as do I. This doesnt mean I'm going to run off and marry her tomorrow, but it does paint a rosey picture of what is out there. Oh and for the record. we DID NOT meet online, nor would I ever go back to that world. SO many disasters, hidden under a veil of cute pictures and well worded profiles. I dont recommend it. But I do recommend that you both put together a prenup when you meet the right lady.. and before considering her the right lady.. make sure you're BOTH on the same page and you understand her faults and can live with them

[carve]

Sounds like a catch. Where did you meet her?

[Rowdy]

Totally at random. Was staying at a buddies place while I attended a weekend long seminar. He had a few friends over, she came along with one of the friends and spent the entire night flirting with me. The rest is history.

[shah269]

Yes!
+1
And do your best to live near a large city. As in under 10 miles away.
I screwed up and am stuck 35miles/2 hours away from NYC and dating here is shit on a stick bad. Unless you are into fatties who are uneducated. Which well note the rules above are a mess in the making!

[upstatedoc]

couldn't wait to click on this thread and see what marriage advice shah had.

[persian54]

Originally Posted by mylydiamy

I hope you never need to find out about alimony in your like... It is very difficult to get out of alimony, at least in New Jersey as laws varies from one state to another...

In order to get of of alimony :

1 - You should not have any assets on your name. But you can't simply transfer your assets to someone else and claim you have no money! This has be to done gradually and cleverly

2 - You should have low or no income. But you simply can not quit your job and don't get a job or get a very low paying job. You need to to prove to court that you unintentionally lost your job and you are doing everything you can to get a similar paying job but unable to do so.

3 - Another way id to prove to court that your X is making enough money now to provide herself the same standard of living (she lives with someone, or she is making more money than she used...)

Bankruptcy won't get rid of it?

What if you got "fired"? and since the economy is quite bad at the moment, you're unable to find another job.

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by persian54

Bankruptcy won't get rid of it?

What if you got "fired"? and since the economy is quite bad at the moment, you're unable to find another job.

I am not sure how Bankruptcy can help you as I never considered it as an option. You should ask a lawyer about it.

Getting fired does not remove the alimony obligation as many people try get themselves fired to avoid alimony. Even if you get fired unintentionally and files a case to stop the alimony, you are still obligated to make your alimony payments until court decides. And it is very unlikely that the court will remove the alimony obligation based on the numbers my lawyer told me. In other words, loosing your job while paying alimony is A LOT worse than loosing your job when you are not paying alimony You get f***ed badly!!!

[shah269]

Bankruptcy?
No it won't help. sorry first you have to prove it, which means hiring some legal guys and second it will not reduce your payments.

[persian54]

Originally Posted by shah269

Bankruptcy?
No it won't help. sorry first you have to prove it, which means hiring some legal guys and second it will not reduce your payments.

Guess only thing left is for her to disappear then.


Can males get alimony too? Lol

[shah269]

Yes you can. If you can prove that she makes more than you or you made sacrifices to further her career causing a detriment to your income. Then yes she can and will owe you money.

[mylydiamy]

Originally Posted by persian54

Guess only thing left is for her to disappear then.


Can males get alimony too? Lol

Yup. Just move to another country and never come back!

[Z4-VILLA]

The Hudson

[shah269]

So OP, what's the word?
Any better? Are things ok?
Hope you are getting better. This time of year with the cold and what not it can be difficult.

[roastbeef]

i just read the first post and it made me sick just thinking about paying someone a lot of money for the rest of my life.

[shah269]

hey HEY HEY! Roast....hey breathe...it's ok.
Look yeah so what 50% of all of marriages end in divorce.
But then again what are your odds of being right?
50/50 right? Half the time you are right half the time you are wrong? It's life, we live we learn we move on and if we are lucky we make great friends on the way.
Just be smart ok? And odds are you will be ok!
After all better to risk a little and live a great life than risk nothing and never be loved?

[cagekicker]

take an indefinate personal leave of absence from your job and advise the court that you quit your job due to emotional stress. that is your last chance to save your finincial future. jersey is a commonwealth and will get ya!

[cagekicker]

btw i can relate cus im your age and moved out of south jersey 10 years ago. i got divorced from my jersey devil 2 years ago in miami. i'm living large cus the bitch didnt get shit!!!

[PurM3]

Read all 14 pages.. Lessons learned.

Btw in China, you just pay the judge lol

[stylinexpat]

Here is my $.02 on this..

I would find another similar paying job overseas,quit my job after,move to that other country and then claim that you are either earning very little or are unemployed. You can then give your daughter and wife what you had wanted to give them. If you remain in the US then there is very little that you can do. Lawyers won't help you much as they will just collect more from you. The longer and harder you try to fight the Better it is for them as they earn more. I would let no one know which of try you plan on moving to. Plenty of work overseas as well and plenty of countries one can live happily in. When things change in life then you must be prepared to make changes but if things change and you are not prepared to make changes then you have only yourself to blame for not making new changes. Divorcing your wife is a new change and when you make a new change you need to make a change for a new life after.

Make sure you help your daughter and soon to be ex-wife out until your daughter turns 18 at least. I would help her out till at least 20-22 so she can finish college so you don't look like a bad father. Supporting the wife till she passes away though I think is pathetic but if you stay in the US then you have no other choice.

[Sam335ix]

Do you know why divorce is so expensive? Because its worth it! I have been with my gf for 8 years, she knows better than to ask me for marriage . We live together and that the closest shit it will be to marriage. The rules and laws are fucking broken and never get married with an iron clad Pre nup! There is not much you can do my man at this but to pony up the cash and hope she falls in love again and get remarried. Your daughter soon will be 18 and you can cut back the 1400 but I am sure you will have other expenses. Don't quit your job, do what you do best and just except that you were dealth some shitty cards and hope that it will get better... Positive thinking can do wonders at times and all of this hard time your going through could end up being a blessing in disguise. Remember that we sometime have to stand all alone on an island to make sure we still can stand.

[f30nynj]

Man, I thought I was depressed for not having a girl and settling down. Now i see the picture on the other side of fence.

Shah: I totally see you why others keep quoting you, it cuz you have some great wisdom to share.

OP: I loved the way you consoled yourself with the inscription on the coin. Very inspirational. Enjoy the new found love.

An eye-opener for single guys like me.