ASS - You know you're getting old when... - BMW 3-Series Forum (F30 / F32)

RobUK · 10-07-2012, 03:15 AM

...you go for the ASS Cancel button... and miss!

I'll set the scene for you - I'm driving along the A272 and as I come to the traffic lights where it joins the A24 dual carriageway, the traffic lights (C) happen to be green. I pull across the junction and spy a very nice E92 Coupe waiting at the lights (B). No problem, my lights (A) will change to green about a second or two before the E92's lights (B) and with 10-20yds head start I'll be gone before anyone knows it, just need to prod the ASS Cancel button for a quick getaway as I roll up to the lights.

ONLY I MISS THE CANCEL BUTTON AND HIT THE START/STOP BUTTON INSTEAD!!

The car was actually still rolling forward at this point, albeit very slowly at which point the engine stops, the autobox dutifully selects Neutral and the car comes to an abrupt halt!! In the few seconds it took me to realise my mistake and get the engine started and in gear, this Mineral Grey Coupe cruises past me, probably thinking to himself "Wonder why he's still sitting there??".

MaestroAl · 10-07-2012, 03:43 AM

That'll teach you! Just leave the bloody ASS alone!

Rossifumi · 10-07-2012, 03:52 AM

I always select sport mode on either the car or auto instead. Easier to reach and do right!

Spacebug · 10-07-2012, 04:12 PM

He he.. Nice work.

The ASS never really does much on my car. I have the 6MT and I naturally leave my foot on the clutch when stopped. I think the ASS has cut in less than 5 times in 1000 miles of driving.

My test drive was in an 8AT and the ASS really annoyed me...

Sauveur · 10-07-2012, 05:26 PM

Lol. I did something similar in a carwash today.

MaestroAl · 10-07-2012, 05:45 PM

You played with your ASS in a carwash? They have cameras you know

And WTF you doing in a carwash anyways? Was to ruin your paintwork on a beautiful car

crowdedhouse · 10-08-2012, 10:25 AM

I was puzzled as to how this could happen but I sat in an F30 for the first time today.It seems to be an odd place to put the switch, it could easily happen.

_Si_ · 10-09-2012, 05:38 AM

I tried to be clever and use the paddles to change gear. I ended up washing the windscreen and revving the shit out of the car when I missed trying to change up

Jbrock22 · 10-09-2012, 06:25 AM

Having mine set to last default today. Ya!

RobUK · 10-09-2012, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Si_

I tried to be clever and use the paddles to change gear. I ended up washing the windscreen and revving the shit out of the car when I missed trying to change up

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jbrock22

Having mine set to last default today. Ya!

I'm wondering if UK dealers are geared up to do this now?

NISFAN · 10-09-2012, 11:53 AM

Rob, knowing the legislation, I would be surprised if BMW allowed you to program ass to normally off. In Europe that is.

Jbrock22 · 10-09-2012, 12:44 PM

Ya.
The dealer set mine today to last default!

10-07-2012, 03:15 AM	#1
RobUK Captain Drives: F30 328i Lux' 8SAT, Red Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Sussex, UK Posts: 823 iTrader: (0) Garage List 2001 Yamaha FZS1000 [0.00] 2012 BMW 328i [5.00]	ASS - You know you're getting old when... ...you go for the ASS Cancel button... and miss! I'll set the scene for you - I'm driving along the A272 and as I come to the traffic lights where it joins the A24 dual carriageway, the traffic lights (C) happen to be green. I pull across the junction and spy a very nice E92 Coupe waiting at the lights (B). No problem, my lights (A) will change to green about a second or two before the E92's lights (B) and with 10-20yds head start I'll be gone before anyone knows it, just need to prod the ASS Cancel button for a quick getaway as I roll up to the lights. ONLY I MISS THE CANCEL BUTTON AND HIT THE START/STOP BUTTON INSTEAD!! The car was actually still rolling forward at this point, albeit very slowly at which point the engine stops, the autobox dutifully selects Neutral and the car comes to an abrupt halt!! In the few seconds it took me to realise my mistake and get the engine started and in gear, this Mineral Grey Coupe cruises past me, probably thinking to himself "Wonder why he's still sitting there??". __________________ 2012 F30 328i Lux', 8SAT, Melbourne Red
	Tweet

10-07-2012, 03:43 AM	#2
MaestroAl Major Drives: Superman 330D M Sport Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: UK Posts: 1,195 iTrader: (0)	That'll teach you! Just leave the bloody ASS alone! __________________ "Superman 330D M Sport" Estoril Blue / Coral Red 2PF\|ZAP\|ZMP\|ZVI\|2VF\|3AP\|420\|488\|494\|5DC\|688\|6NR IT ARRIVED!

10-07-2012, 04:12 PM	#4
Spacebug Private First Class Drives: 2013 F30 320D M Sport Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Sussex, UK Posts: 182 iTrader: (0)	He he.. Nice work. The ASS never really does much on my car. I have the 6MT and I naturally leave my foot on the clutch when stopped. I think the ASS has cut in less than 5 times in 1000 miles of driving. My test drive was in an 8AT and the ASS really annoyed me... __________________ Current: 2013 F30 320D M Sport AW, 403M 19", Bi-Xenon, Black Leather Previous: 2005 E91 320D M sport, BSM, Twist 230 19's, Lemon Leather. Death by Swirl Flap 2002 E46 320i M Sport, Convertible, Titanuim Silver, 19's, Xenon, Black Nappa Leather 1998 Lotus Elise 111S, Black

10-07-2012, 05:45 PM	#6
MaestroAl Major Drives: Superman 330D M Sport Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: UK Posts: 1,195 iTrader: (0)	You played with your ASS in a carwash? They have cameras you know And WTF you doing in a carwash anyways? Was to ruin your paintwork on a beautiful car __________________ "Superman 330D M Sport" Estoril Blue / Coral Red 2PF\|ZAP\|ZMP\|ZVI\|2VF\|3AP\|420\|488\|494\|5DC\|688\|6NR IT ARRIVED!

10-08-2012, 10:25 AM	#7
crowdedhouse Private First Class Drives: F30 330d MSport Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ireland Posts: 115 iTrader: (0)	I was puzzled as to how this could happen but I sat in an F30 for the first time today.It seems to be an odd place to put the switch, it could easily happen. __________________ Seven Worlds Will Collide

10-07-2012, 03:52 AM	#3
Rossifumi Captain Drives: F30 Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Europe Posts: 802 iTrader: (0)	I always select sport mode on either the car or auto instead. Easier to reach and do right!

10-07-2012, 05:26 PM	#5
Sauveur Enlisted Member Drives: 328xi \|2013 Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Quebec Posts: 36 iTrader: (0)	Lol. I did something similar in a carwash today.

10-09-2012, 05:38 AM	#8
_Si_ Private Drives: F30 M Sport 2.0d Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Midlands, UK Posts: 89 iTrader: (0)	I tried to be clever and use the paddles to change gear. I ended up washing the windscreen and revving the shit out of the car when I missed trying to change up __________________ Current: f30 320d M Sport, EBII with some other bits. Previous: e90 320d M Sport, 193 Wheels, Sun Protection Glass, Sapphire Black

10-09-2012, 06:25 AM	#9
Jbrock22 Private First Class Drives: 2012 328I Sport Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Eastern PA Posts: 142 iTrader: (0)	Having mine set to last default today. Ya!

10-09-2012, 11:53 AM	#11
NISFAN Major Drives: The best kind of F30 :) Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Bedford UK Posts: 1,473 iTrader: (0)	Rob, knowing the legislation, I would be surprised if BMW allowed you to program ass to normally off. In Europe that is. __________________ palmer sport M3

10-09-2012, 12:44 PM	#12
Jbrock22 Private First Class Drives: 2012 328I Sport Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Eastern PA Posts: 142 iTrader: (0)	Ya. The dealer set mine today to last default!

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search