If you're like me, then you absolutely hate rattles, why?
Simple, it makes your car sound old... old as your grandfather's F150 pickup truck, which to your disgust rattles less than your brand new BMW.
Now lets be clear on something, this is not a miracle guide, this is not professional work. This is what you can do today instead of browsing hot Asian chicks or whatever you folks do these days.
And to finish up my introduction, never ever never go to the dealer for these issues, they don't have the time nor dedication to fix the exact rattles that your car has, they don't know where they come from... but you probably do, don't you?
Okay first step!
Get the velcro! you will only use the soft part, make sure its thin, not too thin.. but you know, thin. You can also get white and black velcro.. depends how pro you wanna go.
Cut the Velcro in small bits.
Without looking too much at my disgusting fingers, wear down the adhesive a bit so it slides down more easily (if you know what i mean).
This next picture shows my capable hands sliding the velcro in between the door panel and the door with a Thai hotel card i stole some time ago... ohhh the memories.
The result should look like this, don't slide it in too much because the door panel border is only about 5mm thick.
I strongly recommend you apply the velcro to these areas, same goes for the back doors.
Next lets go through some parts that i've found can cause lots of rattles, the first culprit is this motherf***er:
It actually had dug into the other piece of plastic because of all the movement down there.. WTF BMW??!! ( Pardon my french )
You can find it in the footwell-passenger side.
Same place, same story... freaking plastic loves to rub together
The three points are where i found the noise comes from, try to stuff some in and watch for results by poking both pieces with your finger.
Now to the grand finale, the Motherubbing piece of trash beneath your AC panel.. who designs these things??!
As to how you can pry that thing off, put your lady fingernails in the top side of the cover, don't use any metal tools! Its comes off pretty easily. Start from the top then the bottom slides out, paste velcro on the tabs that hold the cover against the front of the panel.
Finally some other places where you could potentially eliminate a rattle:
The side skirts are another story, this can be either done by your dealer, which will require some time as the skirt clamps break when you remove them, they have to order new ones but it should be done under warranty.
OR! just slide some velcro and see if that works.
And you sir.. Are done!
Now remember this will only fix 50% of the rattles, the rest is up to road conditions, tire pressure and profile, how much you slam your doors ( ladies are experts at soldering my passenger door when they get in... and noo i wont unbuckle, pull handbrake, press P, open door and go around the car just to close it for you.).
In any case, it wont require any disassembly and its a quick fix that will last. If any of you are worried about putting extra pressure on the door panels, remember the doors are assembled tightly... that pressure is lost with time and movement.